We often find when couples come to marriage counselling, one or both partners tend to block love in their relationship. What we mean by this is, to enjoy an open-hearted loving intimate relationship, we need to not only give love, but also be able to receive love and appreciation from our partner. Therefore, sometimes this is not easy to do. Outlined below, are some ways that we block love.
Emotional connection may be difficult. You may even tolerate a relationship where your partner has emotional or sexual relationships with others outside the relationship.
Not deserving love. You believe you are not enough, therefore may endeavour to get attention and affection by doing ‘deeds’. You believe you need to work hard, suffer or even humiliate yourself to feel the love from your partner. If your partner loves you freely, or does something nice for you, you may block love by withdrawing or thinking they will discover you are not worthy of it.
Withdrawing from your partner when upset. If you are feeling ‘down’, or had a fight with someone, or something went wrong, or you are feeling particularly insecure, you may withdraw by cancelling plans to be with your partner. You say everything is ok, but you know you are not.
Afraid of being comforted. When life challenges you, you feel unworthy to ask your partner to help you through. You feel you can do it on your own staying positive. To rely on, or share your feelings of vulnerability with your partner, actually scares you. That would be getting ‘too close’.
Being upset with yourself for sharing something personal. When you have a moment when you allow yourself to open up and share from your heart, then later you regret what you have said, and perhaps feel mad at your yourself for being so vulnerable, and then feel stupid and beat yourself up for what you said, and maybe even regret sharing.
Pushing away empathy or block love. If you are upset or needing recognition, and your partner acknowledges and empathises with you, you move away and reject the acknowledgement. You may change the subject quickly as you can.
Not wishing to inconvenience. You don’t wish your partner to change plans or do anything that may take them away from what they are needing or wanting to do. You don’t feel your emotions are important or deserve attention, let alone take up your partner’s time and energy.
Can’t accept thank you’s. You will do things for others, and often in a way that you cannot be thanked. You dismiss any compliments or appreciations. You may feel they are better than you and don’t need to pay you back or say thank you.
Feeling awkward with intimate moments. If your partner has eye contact with you too long, you look away or change the subject, or make ‘light’ of it.
Finding it difficult to be present. After having sex, you may get up quickly, rather than lying and relishing in the ‘after energy’. You jump out of intimate moments with your partner. Or you may see your partner as not wanting to cuddle you and you roll over away from them.
Coming to these realizations can feel scary or you may even want to deny what is actually happening. We all experience our journey in a unique way, and it is neither right or wrong. The important thing is to know what to do next.
At Love Life Matters, we can show you how to make the changes from the inside out, to allow love to flourish in your relationship.