Often, when a couple is having difficulty in their relationship, it is the
emotional connection that falls away first, then the physical connection.
If you haven’t had emotional or physical connection with your partner for a
long period of time, it can be challenging to bring it back into your
relationship. Sensuous connection, in other words ‘touch’, is vital to the
stability for a healthy love relationship. Many relationships can survive
because of other reasons, such as financial or just simply companionship,
but if you want a relationship that is affectionate and intimate, then
‘touch’ is an important aspect.
Everyone needs to be touched. You may be in a position where passion and
attraction have subsided in your relationship, but this does not mean that
physical touch needs to stop. In this case, it is even more important that
you make conscious effort to set aside time for physical connection, and
this does not mean sex. Too often couples think that ‘touch’ must lead to
To bring back the intimacy and connection into your relationship, the best
way to quickly to do that is use physical touch. Here is a way you can
explore and experiment with ‘touch’.
First up, you need to set the scene. Ask you partner well in advance if
they would like to spend some time with you for a ‘sensual session’. Make a
date and time and stick to it. When the time comes, you need to set the
room up. Create a cosy space by lighting a candle or two and if you desire,
burn some incense. Lay out the bed with a fresh sheet and pillows. Do what
makes you feel good, and your partner will feel good too. You can even play
some soft background music.
Now you are ready. Decide if it is you or your partner to be the recipient.
Giving and receiving are both rewarding. If it is your partner to go first,
have them lie naked, you can put a sheet over them if they feel more
You can start by simply run your fingers over their body. You can play with
different types of touch, such as soft tickles with the tips of your
fingers, or more firm pressing movements. Try different strokes, such as
tapping, zig-zagging your fingers, hands or arms. You can try using a
feather, a wooden spoon, or add in any other items, such as massage oil or
ice. Use your imagination. Ask your partner for feedback on what they like
or don’t like.
If this is something that you are not used to doing, don’t be surprised if
there are areas of yourself or your partner that you don’t like being
touched. That is ok. Touch is a powerful thing and can bring up feelings of
pleasure or resistance. Noticing what these are and exploring both the good
parts and not so good parts can be of great healing benefit.
Be mindful to keep yourself in the present moment. Notice if your mind
wanders off and thinks about what to cook for dinner, or dog barking next
door. If this happens just gently bring your focus back to be with the
touch. Be with every stroke, and every sensation.
Through this ‘touch ritual’ you can rekindle the connection with your
partner. Yes, you can positively affect the level of intimacy in your
relationship, simply through ‘touch’.
Having difficulty? We at Love Life Matters can help assist you to regain your trust and connection with your partner.