When you meet a potential partner, and you decide to marry
them, it is only natural to dream of how good it can be with this person.
You have hopes and desires of what you want, and you may believe in the
happily ever after romantic love story, then to your dismay, you realize
sooner or later that there are obstacles to staying connected.
The biggest mistake you can make is to continue to believe the ‘romance
dream story’. By this, I mean, the foundation of your relationship is set
up in the early years and it will take more than the feeling of love to see
you through. The habits you create together, the behaviour patterns
that play out between you, if these are not working well for you, then you
need to learn new skills to transform them.
This is where courage comes in… For you to step up and be the ‘hero’ of
your relationship story.
Unfortunately, many of us have not had great role models of what a great
intimate love relationship looks like. In fact, we find in our relationship
counselling practice, we find that many people feel ‘shame’ at a deep level
and they don’t want to admit to anyone, they are having problems in their
relationship. They want to keep it ‘hush-hush’.
This is a sad phenomena, but not your fault. We have been culturally
conditioned as a society, to believe that it is ‘shameful’ to seek support.
Getting help is considered the ‘last resort’. Couples will more than
likely, wait and see what happens. Oh, just give it time, and it may sort
itself out.
Like Albert Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same
thinking we used when we created them.”
Deep love is built on a sturdy foundation and grows stronger as the
relationship continues. To create this in your relationship, it first
starts with you…. not your partner.
Ugg, I know…. this is a tough idea to swallow, let alone, practice it, but
it can be a journey of exciting discovery and transformation. It’s where
you get to fully share who you are, and that is sharing your truth.
I’d like to share a story with you about sharing my truth.
I had my adult son visiting for the weekend, and towards the end of the day
on Sunday, I realised that I had some business jobs that I needed to get
done the next day, and my energy dropped and I started to feel frustrated.
I walked out of my home office and into the kitchen where my son was. He
immediately picked up on my energetic state and asked if anything was
wrong.
I said I was ‘good’ and nothing was wrong. I was surprised he picked up on
my energy, because I was doing my best to hide my feelings, that were
nothing to do with him, but were to do with my work.
I wanted to be happy and present for him, as he did not visit often, but
the truth was, I was not present or happy. Picking up on my energy, my son
then abruptly decided that it was time to leave immediately and go home.
In hindsight, which was the next day, I realised my mistake. What I was
doing was trying to be something I was not in that moment. I was trying to
keep the peace and be what I thought my son wanted me to be. In other
words, I was trying to be giving energetically, but in actual fact, I was
‘taking’ energy.
I now realise, had I’d been honest with him and shared my feelings and
frustrations, then he would have realised it was not him at fault and felt
closer to me for sharing. Instead I caused an energetic ‘rift’, because
what I was saying did not align with what was really going on for me.
So, the moral of the story is to honestly share what is going on for you.
Of course, it is not your partner or another person to ‘fix’ it… it is
simply sharing from your heart, which brings connection.
When you are honest and dare to be authentic to who you are in the moment,
and share how you feel, this is what brings deeper connection and keeps
your relationships alive and thriving.
When people come for counselling filled with yearning for something better,
we know there is one sure way to bring lasting change into their
relationship. That is for you, as an individual to commit to your own
journey of authentic transformation and your relationship will be far
easier to navigate.
Create a life of being true to yourself, no matter what that is. Have the
courage to love and accept all parts of yourself, and you will find that
your partner will too.
Love Life Matters offers relationship and individual counselling and mentoring,
at Tweed Heads on the Gold Coast, and offers zoom sessions Australia wide.