If you have been in your relationship for just a few months, or many years,
and things have become difficult, and you are wondering whether it is time
to end your relationship. There are some things you might like to consider
before you do.
Many people believe because they have invested time, energy or even
finances into their relationship, and then things go pear shaped, that they
have wasted their time. They then go off and find someone else, whom seems
right at the time, and do it all over again, not considering perhaps there
may be another way to look at it.
Have you gotten caught up in believing you need to find the ‘right one’? If
things don’t work out, do you think you need to end the relationship
because you believe you were wrong in making the choice, or perhaps you
think your partner has ‘changed’.
Growing up, we are sold on the fairy tale of happily ever after. It is
understandable that you might think these things when it gets difficult and
emotionally rough. Is it time to bail out because your partner is not the
‘right’ one. Firstly, before you do decide to leave, ask yourself this
question, “What is it, that I can learn from this relationship?”.
How much of your unhappiness can be attributed to your partner, and how
much of it is yours? Have you experienced this type of unhappiness in other
relationships? If you have had a few different relationships, do you find
that you keep being attracted to the same type of person over and over?
The trick is, to not try and figure out who is at fault, but rather figure
out what is it in you that you are being triggered by your partner. When
you can do this, it makes life easier. Of course, this is easier said than
done.
We all have certain patterns of behaviour to protect ourselves, and if
things become too overwhelming, then we project, shut down and behave in
ways we may regret. For example, your partner may say or do something that
causes you to get upset and you react, such as feel hurt and withdraw or
lash out with angry words.
Understanding your patterns of ‘emotional attachment’ is crucial to
understanding how your relationship got into difficulty.
Your pattern of behaviour may in the past been to withdraw and now you have
learned to stay present, and your partner may seem surprised at first and
make some unkind comments, but if you stay steadfast in having a different
reaction, you will find this can be a magical formula to change your
relationship for the better.
If you are faced with the dilemma of ‘to leave’ or ‘not to leave’, take
some time out for yourself. Be gentle on yourself and seek professional
help if you need. By recognizing and taking charge of changing your own
patterns of behaviour, even if you do decide to leave, you will find you
attract a different type of person and won’t have the same type of issues
reoccur.
Be truthful with yourself. Your partner is a mirror to you. What has been
reoccurring in your relationships? What is your part in it? This could be a
tricky question to ask yourself, but worth the time to think about is:
Identify what it about your partner, that you don’t want to face about
yourself? If you are needing more support, don’t be afraid to seek
professional help, that could help avoid further heart-ache down the track.