Does your relationship show signs of controlling behaviour?
There are 10 fundamental paradigm shifts in our conditioned thinking that needs to happen to open the way to real joy and fulfillment in your love-life. We, Foxxy and Robert J, from Love-Life-Matters cover all these aspects in our free Gold Coast Relationship Seminar held monthly at Tweed Heads.
These conditioned ways of thinking are so ingrained in our psych, that often we don’t realize they are there, playing out in our love-life. We have been taught for centuries, by previous generations to live our love-life out of fear. Then we wonder why we don’t seem to get things to work in our relationship, even though we try as much to repair issues between us and our partner, only to still end up with an unsatisfactory outcome.
As this subject is so big, in this article I will explain what I mean for just one aspect. This is the fundamental belief of ‘control’, as opposed to having ‘freedom’ in your love life.
I was married at 21 years and I was with my husband for nearly 14 years. In that relationship my husband was the ‘head of the household’. I was brought up and involved in a Christian religion since the age of 12. So, I believed at the time, that this was true, and it played out in our love-life.
This showed up in our relationship in many small ways. For example, my husband insisted that if we were both going somewhere in the car, that he be the ‘one’ to drive the car. Never did he ever ‘allow’ me to sit in the driver’s seat and drive, whilst he was in the car. Notice, I said the word ‘allow’. I submitted my will and desire, every time to him. He was the ‘head of the household’ and what he said… goes. He also insisted that he play the music he liked whilst driving, so I had to put up with listening to the Beatles, which I didn’t like much at all. Never did it change, because my husband was the ‘head of the household’.
I was not always ‘free’ to have what I wanted… unless he approved. I was under the ‘control’ of the man of the house. It was my belief to ‘obey’ my husband. There was never any compromise, unless it suited my husband. This belief was cemented in myself at our marriage ceremony. The vowels we exchanged, went something like this:
Me (the bride): “I, ___, offer you myself in marriage in accordance with the instructions of the Holy Bible. I pledge, in honesty and with sincerity, to be for you an obedient and faithful wife.”
My husband (the groom): “I ___, pledge, in honesty and sincerity, to be for you a faithful and helpful husband.”
I can imagine that my story may ‘trigger’ some people reading this article, or you may feel this is not the case for you. Nevertheless, there are 9 other fundamental principles that need to be addressed, to ensure a joyous and fulfilling love-life that gives you ‘freedom’. If you are curious to know what they are, then register your seat at our next Relationship Seminar, held monthly (usually the second Thursday of the month) at Tweed Heads, NSW. It’s free.