The Key To Heal Emotional Triggers In Your Relationship
Feeling is Healing.
Emotional pain does not kill you, but suppressing it can.
Many people who come for marriage counselling, feel if they disclose their emotions it is a sign of weakness.
“Don’t be a sissy.” Could be something you heard as a child.
When you are taught to distract yourself from your pain, by pushing it
down, or doing something physical to take your mind off it, you become
fooled into thinking that you are dealing with the pain. Unfortunately,
this is an erroneous way that most people have been taught, and then we
wonder why we have such difficulty in adult life being triggered by what
seem small things.
Emotions are like icebergs, or volcanoes waiting to erupt, if they are
suppressed in the first instance and not dealt with in a healthy way.
The road to emotional healing, is to be with the ‘pain’ by feeling it. This
may seem counter-intuitive because most of us have been taught from a young
age, to suppress our emotions to try and make them go away.
Feeling into your pain is the most important and productive way to
When you can express yourself according to your deepest feelings, it allows
others the opportunity to understand you.
If you have an argument or feel uncomfortable, or lonely, feel into your
pain. Start by noticing where it is in your body. Is it in your head,
chest, arms? Then notice the intensity and how does it feel… throbbing,
This may seem scary, especially if the pain intensifies. If it is too
overwhelming, practice feeling, starting with less uncomfortable feelings
in your body. The more you practice, the easier it becomes.
Emotional healing takes practice and patience. Being able to concentrate
your attention and your ability to be present and track your emotions will
determine how successful you will be in transmuting the energy. The pain
will lessen or even disappear. It is an art to learn, especially if you
have never done it before. The trick is to ‘feel’ the feelings, not watch
them, or judge them. Using your breath is also another great method to
connect into your body.
Interacting with others becomes simpler when you can express your emotions
in words. Instead of putting the emphasis on the other person for what they
did or didn’t do or say, if you can say what you are feeling, it will help
the other person to ‘warm’ toward you, rather than focusing on the story of
what happened, and who is right or wrong. When you express your feelings,
they cannot be disputed, because they are your feelings, as opposed to what
perceived facts that could be argued over.
Your body has an amazing ability to heal itself and you can help yourself
by being present with your pain which will aid exponentially the healing
Many people go to great lengths to resist their true feelings. Some
erroneously think feeling anger is wrong or sadness is a sign of weakness,
rather it is the ‘acting’ out and projection of anger that is unhealthy.
Another way to suppress emotional pain is by numbing feelings with alcohol
or drugs, or working or trying to exert control over a situation. This can
last only a short time, before the emotions erupt like a volcano.
An event can trigger deep emotion, such as the death of a loved one, or the
memory of a childhood trauma or a particular type of smell can trigger off
a memory and thus you have an emotional response. The only way through this
is to feel into the hurt or pain.
As you feel into the pain, ask yourself these questions:
1. What am I not being present to in my life?
2. What am I trying to avoid?
3. If this part of me could speak, what would it say?
Give your feelings a voice and space to just be, and if you are able to do
this, you will notice they will have less or no power over you. Your
emotions are your guidance system. They tell you that something needs to
change. Perhaps it is the thoughts you think, or a circumstance that
doesn’t serve you.
The most important thing is to have compassion for yourself. Remember, to
heal it, you need to feel it.
If you would like help to heal your emotional wounds, contact Love Life Matters , covering Tweed Heads and Gold Coast.