Are You Sabotaging Your Relationship?

//Are You Sabotaging Your Relationship?

Are You Sabotaging Your Relationship?


Are You Stopping The Flow Of Love In Your Relationship?
To have a fulfilling, heartfelt, open and loving relationship with your partner, you need to be able to receive love and appreciation when it is shown to you.
This is not always easy.  Although love and appreciated is what we desire, we don’t always accept it.
So, why when love is given to us, why would we reject it?
Many people have difficulty receiving love, yet they find it easy to give it.  The reality is, it is often our past experiences and childhood upbringing that affects our ability to receive love.
There are two ‘sabotagers’ of love, that are not obvious in our everyday living.  In fact, we often live our entire lives with these two problems, not realizing they are an issue, or even affecting your relationship.

Sabotage #1: Not Being Present
Living in the present moment is an incredibly challenging mindset to foster these days. There are many many distractions, and rightly so, as children have to be fed, the phone needs to be answered, work has to be done, appointments need to be kept, and plans must be made to get through life.
As there are so many things demanding our attention, we often aren’t really in the ‘present space’ to listen when our partner talks to us.
Or we can get caught up in the past (what we didn’t do, why something happened the way it did, or how we felt when someone did something to us).  Or we are planning and worrying about the future.
If we are unable to be with our partner in the present moment and really listen to what they are saying, then we are unable to fully receive them.
When we don’t receive them, then either we don’t hear what they have to say, as we are too busy tuning them out and having our minds wander elsewhere.  And if they are perceptive, they may say “Don’t worry about it” as they can see you are not paying attention.
When this goes on for a while in your relationship, you may feel like love has gone, or was never really there to begin with.  In reality you were just caught up in the past and future. You aren’t present with the love, and therefore aren’t “there” to receive it.
Making a conscious effort to be present with your partner is critical to opening up the flow of love between you.

Sabotage #2: Not Loving Yourself
When you believe, deep down inside, that if you feel you aren’t worthy of love, then it is impossible to find genuine love.   True intimacy cannot be formed with your partner, when you don’t give yourself the love first.

This is what happens when we stay in a bad relationship for too long.
Or when you put everyone else’s needs before your own.
Or push away your partner’s attempt to reach out to you.
Or you look in the mirror and just focus on all your flaws and imperfections.

When you are unappreciated, or you put up with being treated with any kind of abuse, neglect or constant criticism, an underlying belief would be that you deserve to be treated that way.  You may feel or think that you deserve to be treated better but your subconscious beliefs will overrule. 
Often times, when someone does not love themselves, they look for someone to fill that gap of love.  They do not feel worthy of love and acceptance, so they push love away and sabotage things.
They set up destructive patterns, and unable to share their deepest feelings.

Not feeling worthy of love, means you cannot truly let others love you. You block it, don’t believe it, or reject it entirely. To receive love, you must first give it to yourself, before you can give it to your partner, and have it returned to you.
It can be a scary yet exhilarating insight when you realise you are sabotaging receiving genuine love. Be gentle with yourself when you come to this understanding and realisation.
We all have our individual journeys on the road to self-love and being present.  And the good news is, we are here to help.  After building a good grounding, and then adding all the tools and  teachings to create a lasting, happy relationship will be so much easier.
Real change starts from the inside out. If you really desire a happy and fulfilling relationship, you need to first make the changes within to allow your partner’s love in.

At Love Life Matters we can help you make the changes to accept love into your life.


By | 2018-05-08T15:22:32+00:00 February 24th, 2016|Relationship Counselling|0 Comments