What are the effects of porn on your relationship?  If you watch pornography, does this affect your love relationship? You may think that you can keep porn use separate from your relationship, but this is not possible. Watching porn over time produces unrealistic expectations and love-making becomes boring. Constantly needing to fantasize about a porn scene in order to be aroused sexually, over time can lead to sexual dysfunction, such as men not being able to get an erection or maintain an erection. When this happens, you have brought the porn into your relationship.

In todays’ society, porn has gone rampant. What used to be a ‘blue’ movie that got you stimulated sexually has gone to inexplicable sexual acts that can over stimulate and even to the point of becoming overly aggressive in a sexual way. Most extreme acts of porn are unrealistic and place an unrealistic expectation on intimate sexual relationships. Granted, some light porn can be stimulating sexually for an intimate love relationship, but do you know how much is too much?

Watching porn on your own without involving your partner, your partner could feel as if an affair is happening. If this is the case, it can be destructive to your relationship. If porn is watched regularly or extreme porn is watched, then there is a big problem in your marriage. As with an affair, there may be sexual addiction that needs to be addressed.

Porn focuses on stimulation through the body and body parts. It is extreme and mostly unrealistic and does not bring into account real connection and intimacy, which is the cause of the problem. Porn portrays sex to be commitment free, therefore this can be a serious relationship issue. You are much more than your physical body. In sex and love making, pleasuring needs to be mutual. What you need to do is replace the ‘porn sex’ with ‘authentic sex’, which means to be able to connect not only physically, but emotionally as well with your partner. This may seem scary initially, but as you as allow yourself and partner to experiment and explore with mutual consent, it becomes easier.

To create a relationship or marriage that is strong and lasting, emotional intimacy is very important. This means you value, listen to and show appreciation to your partner. Doing this brings you closer to each other.

At the end of the day, what is most important in your relationship is trust. Being able to talk freely and honestly with your partner on what sexual behaviours and boundaries that are acceptable and not acceptable.  Porn in itself does not have to be the issue, it is what is mutually agreed upon that will bring the connection and satisfaction into your relationship.

If you find yourself arguing with your partner about porn, take note, as there is probably another underlying real reason, other than just not ‘liking’ porn. Perhaps a better conversation would be of what you would like to happen for your intimate time together, rather than bringing up the subject of “no more porn”.

If porn use in your relationship is a problem, then reach out to us, as we at Love Life Matters are here to help.