There are many different perceptions of what makes or breaks a marriage.
In the past, you may have held high hopes of what a marriage would be like,
having been sold on the fairy-tale story, of happily ever after. As time
goes on, you would know a great marriage takes working on and nurturing.
You know it doesn’t just happen automatically.
You may be together with your partner for a good many years, or you have
had to start again later in life with a new relationship, yet you may be
surprised that there may still be some commonly held beliefs about what a
marriage should be like.
Holding on to ideas of how we think a marriage should or should not
function, can be cause unnecessary difficulties, so let’s look at some
misconceptions about marriage.
Being together for many years, is a sign of a happy marriage
This is a common one. It is astounding at the number of couples that have a
good many years together under their belt, and yet all the whilst, they
have just been putting up with each other. There are many reasons why
marriages stay together because of other pay-offs such as financial,
companionship, or health reasons. This is all ok, but if you are wanting to
feel truly happy and fulfilled in your marriage, then it takes courage to
look deeply into what is going on.
Notice if you are sweeping issues under the carpet, hoping they will go
away, or you just put up with it deciding this is ‘as good as it gets’. You
may feel if you were with a different partner then you may not have that
problem, which brings us to the next point.
Love is enough
Many people have the belief, because you made a vow and are married, that
‘love’ will take you through, therefore you need to put up with certain
issues in your marriage, to keep it together. This is probably the biggest
misconception, because anything that comes up in your relationship is a
reflection of you. This may seem a hard thing to understand, especially if
there is a lot of emotional charge around certain subjects.
The feeling of ‘love’ comes and goes. It’s like trying to feel happy or
angry all the time. Some days you may want to walk away and other days, you
may feel you can’t be apart. This is the joy of being in relationship.
Your partner completes you
The phrases such as ‘you complete me’ or ‘I can’t live without you’, sound
romantic and many people believe to be true, but these ideas bring you to a
sense of believing you are deficient. This is the cause of why many people
feel unhappy and can’t understand why.
No other person has the capacity or power to fulfil you in any way. If you
feel an emptiness in your relationship and are looking to your partner to
be there for you all the time, then this will cause a deficiency in the
level of intimacy you could experience. You must learn to feel complete
within yourself, by developing self-love.
Conflict is a sign of a bad relationship
.
Disagreements can be an opportunity to grow and understand your partner and
establish a deeper bond. The problem arises when conflict is handled in a
de-constructive way. You may feel discouraged if you and your partner
argue. Instead, find ways to work together to overcome the issues that led
to the conflict.